Drunken love
In the arm a man I refuse to write about
For words will never say enough.
I swear we are one
Straight tequila on the rocks, please.
Hands linked
Intertwined in every nook possible
Caressing every inch of my skin
With only his thumb to my palm
Legs tighten erratically
Electrifying.
I swear we are one
His hand in mine
Smooth strokes in and out
Reciprocated awareness
Fantasizing motion
Tense with passion
Subtle, but deliberate
In and out
Paralyzing
Breath quickening
Hyperventilating
I can’t breathe
Right now, I mean
Writing these words
Drown me
In reality
I feel the blood pulsing in my head
I kiss him just the same
Uncanny familiarity
Just like muscle memory
I give myself to him
Without thought
I wrap my hands around his neck
Grasping his throat
With thrusting desire
and another man’s name at my tongue
I don’t write down times like these
We were never meant to remember
Held somewhere intangible
Between desire and denial
Matter is not what matters
But rather its catalyzed catastrophe
Now the ink’s exposed
After being set aflame
Words still float between our lips
The blue pen stains them cold
You all know
Even him, the man in my arm
The impermissible
Stronger than the liquor I down
The liquor, I drown
Irresistible withdrawal
Agonizing hunger
Lust feeds
And guilt starves.
Left my darkest desire
Up in flames
Nothing ever really goes away
You were never really meant to stay
Not with a woman like me
The air
We used to share
Is now polluted and poisoned
With betrayal
My home used to be a person
But I abandoned that too
I think part of me was urging to find something strong enough in myself
To make me want to stay.